Illusions of Productivity
I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I find I get more caught up in trying to build out an overly complicated productivity system than I do in actually using said system. As I mentioned previously, I am working on building the habit of using both blogging and bullet journaling as ways to help me with processing memories and offloading the need to remember everything... by writing things down I hope to be able to
- Have things to look back on to jog memories
- Build new neuropathways to make those memories
But instead of just _doing the thing_™, I got lost for a bit in trying to build out an overly complex set of tracking and management tools in Notion... why? Because it looked fun, and provided an illusion of being productive. Instead of actually making progress towards a goal, I was able to spend time in a digital rocking chair — accomplishing nothing and going nowhere, but feeling like there was a lot of movement.
When I tried to start using the system, I realized that Notion felt slow, the system felt clunky, and I really just wanted
- an analog place to write down fleeting thoughts and feelings
- a digital place to capture more detailed notes
I didn't need categories, linked lists, and dashboards with metrics. I needed simplicity.
The other issue I created for myself was that I wound up turning everything into a task, which was what I wanted to get away from. Once my life starts feeling like a never ending series of to-dos, I start going on auto-pilot and start optimizing the joy out of things. And that really isn't living to me...
I don't want tasks and to-dos. I want to have options/activities/experiences. Those are things that feel enriching and things that leave me with some agency over my own life. To-dos are a remnant of the corporate culture I was in for decades, and they are done for someone else. I'm driving the bus and I want to chip away at all the things I do out of habit because they have been ingrained into me.
